Isa 'to sa mga lesson na natutunan ko sa therapist. For the longest time, lagi akong pinangungunahan ng idea na kailangang "meaningful" at may "audience impact" kapag nagsusulat ako. I guess somewhere along the journey, natransform siya into that noong sinubukan kong magsulat for a living (na matagal ko nang iniwan by the way hahaha). Siyempre open to criticism yung output. Kapag deemed siya as pangit or for revision (LOL), medyo nagdaramdam ako. Hindi masama to have your hobby as a profession pero it's completely valid din to keep your passions separate and intimate. As I write this now, I'm trying to teach myself that I'm doing this for me and not for anyone else. Nakakatawa na something this simple and obvious took me years to actually realize!
I plan to write more about the few sessions that I've had and share some things I discovered/rediscovered about myself. Siguro una na diyan na people-pleaser pala ako! The best? That was the first time that I verbalized and sort of acknowledge that remark I received before. In denial pa ako pero the fact that I carry it as a baggage and wanting to challenge it only proves na oo nga 'no, bakit kailangang may patunayan all the time? A lot of times I unknowingly seek validation from others. Best in self-neglect ako and when I cannot do it anymore, I still think kung ano pa rin yung iniisip ng iba so spiraling malala. Sabi ng therapist, it's not always bad to be selfish. Think of it as if you're looking after yourself. May point si mum, 'di ba?
Wala na akong masabi but also hindi naman din natin kailangan ng kwento all the time. Ang lesson nga ay to just be. So go, mga bhie.